GobLyn Dick (goblyndick) wrote,
GobLyn Dick
goblyndick

A Few Laughs


> These sentences (including typos) all reportedly appeared verbatim in church bulletins or were announced during church services
>
>
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
> --------------------------
> The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
> --------------------------
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
> --------------------------
> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
> --------------------------
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> --------------------------
> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> --------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
> --------------------------
> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
> --------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> --------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
> --------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> --------------------------
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> --------------------------
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> --------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
> --------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
> --------------------------
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
> --------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
> --------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
> --------------------------
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
> --------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
> --------------------------
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
> --------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> --------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> --------------------------
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Tags: funny
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